Sex is natural
Sex is fun
And sex is best when it's one on one
Modern people, in general, have a pretty unsophisticated idea of how an actual cave-dweller might have behaved. One stereotype involves the act of sex. Since most people don’t spend their spare time learning about how our prehistoric ancestors became modern humans the way I do, I’ll let you in on a little secret: Fornicating was not a free-for-all back in the day. Sure it was not locked down like religions wish it were today, but orgies were not common. The more evolved our ancestors became, the more often cave-dwellers coupled up, and that habit helped our species survive. To illustrate, l’d like to tell you more about how I imagine the dating scene to be 40,000 years ago. I’d like to tell you more about Cavegirl Claire.
When we last checked in on Claire, she was considering who to pick as her long-term mate. And it was not a simple choice. One of the tactics she might use to narrow the playing field was to have sex with the front-runners, but this was risky. First she needed to trust the person she would be getting lucky with. Having sex with someone during prehistoric times put one in a very vulnerable position, so when a cave girl let her defenses down, she was basically trusting the fella she was boinking with her life. Next, she would need to consider what was going on around her while she and her partner were doing the deed. Sex could happen pretty much anywhere before we had bedrooms - in public or in “private” - and very little was totally private when living in a tight-knit group setting like a tribe. Claire might want to know: Was a guy well liked? Was he a respected member of the group? Or would they be interrupted during sex because there were other tribe members who might use a guy’s distracted state to even a score with him? There was an unconscious pressure to do what was best for the group in Claire’s tribe, so she did not want to get involved with someone too rogue.
There was one way Claire could validate another person’s status in the tribe – where a person slept. Powerful cave-dwellers, such as leaders, had special places to sleep. I am guessing that had something to do with making sure valuable people survived the long dangerous nights as part of the food-chain. But I also imagine that having better, safer sleeping quarters would also lead to more satisfying sex; less hurried since a powerful person would not have to worry about being interrupted by anyone. Leaders had earned the respect of the tribe and were not going to be messed with under very many circumstances. And this was a turn-on for Claire. She was interested in a powerful and trustworthy partner. And did her partner have to be a guy? She had previously messed around with another girl because she was curious and knew she could hold her own against someone her own size. And it seemed it could have made her life a little less stressful in the long run. She had an older friend called Maya who had permanently partnered with another woman, and she was happy. And since our Paleolithic ancestors were not having sex for the sole purpose of making babies, same sex partners were not a big deal. Some things were done simply because they felt good, not because they were seen as good or bad. Modern humans like to label things, but Claire and her crew could not concern themselves with such fluff. Though they were not aware of it, avoiding pain and finding pleasure raised a cave-dweller's chances of staying alive. So if you happened to be a dude who preferred to have sex with another dude who also preferred dudes, the dudes did it. No big whoop. And if you were a guy who messed around with another guy this time and a gal the next, no one batted an eye. But that situation might only be for the short term since male/female hook-ups helped a tribe in the long-run. And since Maya’s same-sex situation did not feel right for Claire, she was ready to settle down with a very lucky guy.
But Claire was lucky, too. As a part of this particular tribe, there were very few roadblocks for Claire to reach her goal of choosing an ideal mate. In other more hierarchical tribes, there could be a dominant female who controlled the gatherers, and Claire could have been stuck kissing-up to her…or suffer some serious consequences. Especially aggressive lady-dwellers were known for some pretty nasty persuasive devices when their order of things was threatened around the campsite. But because women’s bodies are so important to the survival of a species, females do not evolve to physically fight with each other very often. The predominant habits that certain human females used to intimidate each other were gossip and infanticide; “warnings” about how one should be behaving were learned through the sharing of secrets...but if a less powerful gatherer still stepped out of line, her offspring could be at risk. Some of this manipulative behavior/shaming is still being employed today on school grounds, in places of work, and all across the internet – although I think anti-bullying principles could continue to curb this devious type of emotional trauma if they are applied generously enough.
However in Claire’s case, Maya was the powerful friend you wanted in your corner. Maya was older and more experienced than most, and she was in charge of the foragers who were not out hunting. Claire had joined this tribe as an orphan and become the offspring Maya never had, so Claire was going to have the pick of the litter. Another way Claire was lucky was that modern distractions like alcohol (aka stupid juice) did not exist yet, so Claire’s mind was always focused. The only form of altered state Claire might have experienced was the occasional mushroom, but I can’t imagine that would have been a good idea. She would want her wits about her at all times. Alcohol messes with a human’s central nervous system, and our central nervous systems have evolved with the sole purpose of keeping us alive. For us modern-day humans who imbibe, it's a better idea to do so with people we trust - and perhaps have someone with us who refrains. Getting drunk dulls one's senses and is basically a risk to a modern person’s survival – or it can at least hamper one’s ability to choose who it might be best to sleep with. But Claire was never off her game. She did not have another option. And she had a very important and exciting decision to make.
Up Next: Claire finally chooses her mate in “The First Storyteller.”
References
Bergland, C. (2018). Cerebellum Studies Challenge Ancient Notions of How We Think. The Athlete's Way, Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201810/cerebellum-studies-challenge-ancient-notions-how-we-think
Dore, J. (2018). Gossip May Have Played a Role in Human Survival. Tonic, Online. https://tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/ne9ae8/gossip-may-have-played-a-role-in-human-survival
Harari, Y.N. (2014). Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind (English) Harper Perennial, New York.
Lisle, D.J. & Goldhamer, D.C. (2003). The Pleasure Trap: Mastering the Hidden Force that Undermines Health and Happiness. Healthy Living Publications, Tennessee.
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